My Second Time with Psilocybin (therapeutically approached)

Sunday, February 5, 2023.

After a light breakfast, I consume 2G of Golden Teachers and wait.

My first 2G dose since 2017, only this time I wasn’t looking to just “get high.”

I was approaching this sacred medicine for support, guidance, and wisdom.

I was seeking freedom from all the fear I was grappling with and clarity about what to do now.

I received all of that and more.

When you are planning to enter mushroom space, it is important that you prepare for the experience carefully.

Your intention going in will impact what happens.

Mushrooms have the ability to release us from our fear and connect us to greater consciousness if that is what we are looking for.

However, a person not quite ready to detach from their ego may experience the opposite and become more acutely attached to and identified with this fearful entity after their journey.

I have witnessed individuals come out of their journey after having connected with personal truths that may be too difficult to process and consequently cling harder to their fear and their ego.

This can amplify aspects of their psyche that they struggle to accept and integrate and potentially worsen their interpersonal functioning. 

Psilocybin is not a cure-all. Magical yes, magical “cure,” no.

Plant-medicine, as far as I’m concerned, is merely one option and if used, should be followed up in conjunction with additional healing modalities.

It is supplemental to our endeavor to "wake up.” But it is not the only way up the mountain.

A steady self-reflective practice is essential so you can remain witness to the ego and honor your process of change while integrating what you uncovered with psychedelics.

Introspection is how we begin our work in our Western culture; habitually creating space from our thinking minds.

A consistent somatic practice is also necessary as much of our trauma is stored in our bodies and cultivating internal safety helps us heal.

Let me step off my soap box now and reveal the initial insight that downloaded after the journey began.

After an hour, I immediately heard a quiet voice within say:

“Everything is okay.

You have everything you need.

Everything communicates.

Observe without attaching thought.”

These were messages I desperately needed to hear after living through the fire in Lowell.

Attuning to this insight offered the relief I was seeking.

Also, the visual effects during the journey were an absolute delight!

Orange, yellow, and blue light cast on the ceiling of the kitchen as it moved and rippled in waves.

The kitchen cabinets appeared to breathe as I watched them expand and contract.

The living room walls moved toward me and the brick of the nearby fireplace came alive.

Some of the bricks even bounced and danced.

I could see air molecules vibrating in front of me. 

At the peak of the experience, I felt the need to be in nature.

I walked outside among the trees and felt a connection to everything around me that I had never felt before. 

I was aware of every sound in the environment, but in a way that felt peaceful, not with a sense of hypervigilance or overstimulation.

I could focus my attention on each individual sound.

I could hear water dripping nearby. It sounded smooth and yet crisp. Soft and yet sharp. 

When I closed my eyes, I saw vibrant colors in varying geometric patterns.

I felt overwhelming peace, calm, reassurance, and warmth. 

Intuitively, I knew the trees were speaking to one another as they swayed in the wind.

I knew that everything around me only appeared separate to me because of my mind; everything I saw was me and a reflection of the One, the Source, Creation, Greater Consciousness, God, call it whatever name you find most fitting.

The truth was interconnection, separation is an illusion born of the ego. 

I was loving awareness floating around in a carbon-based, flesh-wrapped meat vessel, fully dialed in to the temporary nature of it all. 

Here is an excerpt from my journal written in reflection after the experience:

“Everything is temporary. There is only now. Now is a place of freedom and a gift of pure presence. The ego loves to distract us away from our truth with attachment. It suffers a great deal, and it questions everything. When you identify with who you think you are, you build your own prison. Creating an identity for yourself is like building a home within a cold stagnant confining cell. We are divine creation in physical form. Formless in nature, expansive, and ever-changing. The point now is to create and explore, to experience joy and serve others, and to be present.”

I came away from the journey understanding that everything in my life has happened for me.

Nothing happens to anyone.

This is a reaction of the ego, keeping us small and identified with our human experience and the role that we have chosen for ourselves, which can sometimes be one of the victim. 

Everything happens as a set of unfolding opportunities to support our ability to wake up. 

Now, my work was to continue integrating the insights I had gained from my journey.

Physiologically, I felt lighter, more open and trusting. 

Psilocybin reduces activity in your amygdala, which is the emotional center in your brain.

When our nervous systems are activated, the amygdala lights up and this area of the brain can influence our behavior, sometimes to our own detriment. We operate from our most primal survival instincts.

Ever say or do something during a “heated” moment that you regret after cooling down?

Same here, my friend.

No one is perfect, we are all simply doing our best in the moment; but when we run wild with our emotions, destructive things can happen.

Under the influence of a higher dose of mushrooms, our emotional center is a little quieter, which allows us to view our lives from a more objective perspective and let go of concepts, fears, beliefs, etc., that might be getting in the way of our goals and desires. 

We must be in a state of readiness for change.

A word to the wise: if you’re feeling ambivalent, or on the fence still, about the changes you want, now may not be the time to explore mushrooms using a mezzo or macro dose.

But if psilocybin intrigues you and you’re absolutely certain you want to add this to your current self-work, consider the option of microdosing.

(I would recommend finding a licensed mental health counselor or facilitator/guide whom you trust, who is trauma-trained, highly knowledgeable about plant-medicine and doing their own reflective work. Community and safety in mushroom space is essential, support is beneficial for all. Do your research. There are plenty of people out there touting spiritualism who are merely performing, not practicing. Ensure you have a safe and trusted connection in your guide. Be mindful of those claiming to have “The Answer,” this is ego. Your facilitator’s heart should be in the work, and they should be collaboratively building an environment of safety with you while supporting your ability to guide yourself to your own answers.)

After this journey, I no longer viewed myself or my life in the same way. 

A new beginning was here.